Tomorrow morning, my wife and I head out for our holidays. So what’s our destination? Alaskan cruise? Cottage on the lake? Golfing safari? Nope. We are driving straight for the grandkids! We’re bypassing palm trees to soak up all the whispers, giggles, and lap time we can hold—and then ask for just a little bit more.
Proudly Papa
I’ve never understood the hesitation about wearing the label, “Grandpa/Grandma.” I know we resist anything that suggests old age. But get over it! The clock won’t stop and more years are better than fewer, so enjoy the rewards of age. The best ones come with runny noses and tight hugs. “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged.” (Proverbs 17:6) Wear the crown! Smile at the gifts and opportunities in this season of life. No one prepared me for the sheer joy of being a grandpa. Some see grandparenting as a sign of age. I see it as a renewal of life. When our days seem to be more history than future, when our bones get creaky and our hair dusty, God hands us grandkids just when we need them.
Not Done Yet
Being a grandparent is plenty of pleasure but there’s purpose as well. Moses turned his gaze towards the Promised Land and the future generations to fill it. He commanded Israel to remember all the works of the Lord and to keep His Law in their hearts. He added, “Make them known to your children and your children’s children!” (Deuteronomy 4:9). The Book of Wisdom commends the good person who “leaves an inheritance to his children’s children” (Proverbs13:22). In other words, when the nest is empty and we&8217;ve fulfilled our roles as parents, we are not yet done. Our parental task is not just to our kids, but to our grandkids. Our “on the job training,“ earned through the toddler tantrums and teenage tensions, now equips us for a calling that will steer generations. So resist the lure of leisure and get in the game!
The Game Plan
The grandparent’s task is laden with emotional investment (lots of love) but low on parental authority (we don’t have final say). Navigating the line between these two can be tricky. Here are some suggestions to maintain balance with your children and your children’s children:
- Encourage with Perspective
- Support but don’t Supplant
- Catch and Release
- Time without Timetable
Being a grandparent is like rereading a well–loved book. The first time was so much delight, reading it again only adds to the pleasure. We wrote our story as “mom and dad” but now as “nana and papa” we witness a new narrative. The characters have shifted and the ending is hidden but the plot lines and themes are very familiar. So, we can encourage our children as they walk through it for the first time. They may need assurance through the teething, bedwetting, not talking/slow walking problems of childhood. We can’t tell them how it all will end (this is their story), but we have enough perspective to say, “It’s going to be OK.”
Since we’ve been around this block before, we might be tempted to offer lots of advice. Be cautious. Advice is like Cajun pepper. Give it only when asked for and then sprinkle sparingly. Grandparents cannot infringe on mom and dad’s authority. They may not do everything right (neither did we!) but this is theirs to do. Take your comments into the closet and offer them to God. He knows what to do.
Grandparents remain parents. We want to protect our children from every hurt. Since we’ve tasted the fears and frustrations of raising kids, we attempt to protect our children from the rigors of parenting. We can’t immunize them. We can catch them if they stumble and release them to their task.
The strategy towards grandchildren is simple. Give them undistracted, agenda-free time—gobs of time. Roll on the grass, stare at clouds, follow butterflies. Let them take in the delights of this earth and point them to the Lord who has made it all.
The God of Generations
God calls Himself the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. While that is true historically, it also holds a promise for all of us. God is the Lord of our generations. He is faithful to children, parents, and grandparents. I trace His line of grace through my past and can project it through my children towards my children’s children. I can’t think of a greater foundation for hope. Yet my hope isn’t passive. I don’t simply observe God’s grace. I carry it. So if you’ll pardon me, I’ll wrap up this note. I’ve got some little ones waiting for me.
