It all started (maybe) in my headboard. My headboard has great bookshelves and little reading lights. My books and journals and other related paraphernalia are on the shelves for easy nighttime access. It is a fantastic set up.
One book in particular had a special place in that headboard. A red, pocket-sized Gideon New Testament, which never moved. I looked at it every night, before going to sleep.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. This story needs a bit of background.
I describe myself as a voracious note taker. Usually I have a notebook on hand, and feel a bit lost without a pen. Probably these are normal writer traits, but it's important to know before I explain that one Sunday I took a ton of notes in church. This does not mean it was either an unusually brilliant sermon or an especially important day. It was a normal Sunday with regular behaviour, which just so happened to document the trigger to a discovery that changed my life.
There I was in church. Taking voracious notes. The sermon highlighted Acts 4:1-12, finishing with a reference to Jesus' words in John 14:6, “…I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.
Puzzled I wrote:
Question. Talking about Christianity as if it's the antivirus to our sick world seems idealistic. Yeah, great idea. Unfortunately, we're human and flawed and broken and sinful. Therefore, it's not going to work. Right?
I wondered if Jesus really was the ONLY way to God. The idea struck me as harsh and not very open-minded. Isn't grace available to anyone who asks?
Before university, I didn't think like this. I was rarely exposed to anything outside of Christian ideals and I never thought to question anything I heard. Therefore, even though my school was only 30 minutes south from my childhood home, it felt like a completely different country. The other students seemed old and cultured. And smart. I didn't feel any of those things. I didn't have opinions. I wasn't ready to be an adult yet.
In school I learned of many new ways to view life, politics, and religion from professors and students alike. At first I resisted, then I was intrigued. By the end of my first year, I was just confused. With all the different ways of looking at life, how does anyone know what to think or believe, or how one should act?
How do you know what you believe is right?
To combat my uncomfortable doubt, I took a world religions course. I thought knowing about different world religions would help me understand different worldviews. I found the course particularly interesting because it explained many cultural differences, which I didn't see reason in before. Where there had previously been clashes at work or school, I could now see different perspectives.
Shortly after fall semester I told my small group about my newly widened perspectives and accepted the challenge from my small group leader to read the Bible book by book.
He said, “You know a lot about other religions now, but you haven't put the same energy into learning about the faith you were raised with. Why don't you find out for yourself what you believe?”
Finally the red Bible in my headboard would become a part of my daily life. Each night I turned on my reading light and, instead of choosing random fiction, read three chapters from my Bible, highlighted verses that struck me, and took notes as I went along.
Not knowing where to start, I went to the beginning. In this case, Matthew. I noticed after writing questions the text generated, I would find an answer further into the book. Reading books in their entirety opened my understanding to see the Bible in a new way—to relate with it on a deeper level than I had before.
By the time I reached John 14:6 again, I took a different note:
This seemed so narrow, but I can see, finally, it is actually wide enough for everyone. Instead of despairing over the state of our broken world, I should accept that I am a sinner and fully accept Christ.
That Christmas, I finished the day by reading John 19, Jesus’ crucifixion. I noticed I was no longer detached from the story. My redemption story, which began in a stable 2,000 years ago and is still being written, now affected me directly. Christmas has changed me forever.
