Recent studies conclude that almost one in three middle-aged Canadian women are supporting unmarried children and elderly parents at the same time. Caregivers are often exhausted, broke, and in need of a few reminders of what can keep all of us relatively sane in the midst of life's challenges.
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Laugh a little each day. Before I was born my dad worked in a psychiatric ward. He would come home at night and describe some of the sad events of his day to my mother, often interspersing his dialogue with a good belly laugh. She couldn't believe it at first, but it was his way of finding the pulse of sanity in a dark place.
I found myself doing the same as I cared for my father who battled Alzheimer's disease. One summer day while I was visiting the hospital, a lady who serves as part-time chaplain pulled me aside. Her forehead was scrunched up and I wondered what awful thing my father had done or said. “You told me he had been faithful to your mother all these years,” she said. “Today he was watching TV and holding hands with a complete stranger.” Of course I laughed. So did she. There are times we cry, but sometimes laughter is our most effective weapon—perhaps the only one we have. And it sure beats Prozac.
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Find a confidante. Miles Franklin said, “Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings.” You don't need to give everyone you meet an organ recital, but who can put a price tag on the value of sharing our story, thoughts, feelings, and sometimes tears with a trusted other?
Some communities have caregiver support groups. If you can't find one, start one. If you can't start one, get a pet. Sometimes my dog is my support group. She's the only one who will listen without interrupting. It's like the old Swedish proverb: “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”
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Carve hurry from your life. I wish someone had informed me earlier that there is nothing noble about a nervous breakdown and nothing selfish about taking care of your own needs. When I discovered that “no” is a complete sentence, I freed time for pursuing my gifts. When I learned to enjoy things without owning them, I forgot about the Joneses. When I began hanging out with positive people, I topped off my energy tank. When I began taking care of myself, I found I was better equipped to take good care of others. Stillness is rejuvenating. Sometimes the most pressing thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.
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Exercise three times a week. Of course, exercise didn't help my mother. She started walking a mile a day when she was 60. She's eighty-four now and we don't know where she is!
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Enjoy the right food and take longer to eat it. My philosophy on eating is the same as Miss Piggy's: Never eat more than you can lift. But middle age informs me that my philosophy is flawed. Pants that fit last Thursday are malfunctioning. So I need to acquaint myself with salmon, tomatoes, broccoli, nuts, and blueberries. And never pass up an opportunity to savour dessert. A recent study conducted by the dark chocolate industry indicates that dark chocolate is good for you and may constitute a food group.
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Run away from home. Find a way to get away. If the budget is low, develop a great imagination. Close your eyes and imagine that your bath is at a spa in the Himalayas—without the monkeys. Never just listen to your favourite music. Pretend you're at a concert, or giving one. When you can't take what you've been taking any longer, take a vacation.
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Take care of the home front. Who we are and what we are able to accomplish come directly from the foundations we build. So work on the relationships inside your tightest circles.
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Worry less. Worry steals everything worthwhile from today and adds nothing worthwhile to tomorrow. Worried people see problems; concerned people find solutions. I know of no greater worry buster than regular quality time in God's Word and on my knees.
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Remember you're more amazing than you think. In a selfish age, those who care for others make God smile. So never underestimate the power of a kind word, a touch, a smile, a tear, or a compliment. You are the answer to someone's prayer. Be assured that there will be resistance, but the rewards are out of this world.
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Go looking for the blessings. Don't worry, you'll find them. They're everywhere.
