A younger friend called and sang the B.J. Thomas song, “Hair Plugs Keep Fallin' Off My Head.” I hung up on him. Everything's funnier when you're young and 50 is still a black hole, an...
Christmases of my childhood were jam-packed with soft mint candies, shortbread cookies, and more romance than a Barry Manilow concert.
In third grade I held hands with a pretty girl from Georgia...
Twenty-nine years ago we embarked on a honeymoon we've been trying to forget for—oh, about 29 years. A friend named “Bob” offered us his beach house outfitted for people in ministry...
When our children were teenagers, I came home from work to discover my house was moving. My sons had commandeered my stereo and had broken the sound barrier with music that sounded like a herd of...
Yesterday a gentleman phoned to tell me he did not like my sense of humour. “What does laughing have to do with being a Christian?” he asked.
“Is that you, Dad?” I replied,...
Not long ago the Bienert family asked me to give a brief tribute at the funeral of their father, my tenth grade English instructor. For the most part, teachers did not want me speaking in their...
Last July 40,000 spectators and an additional two million television viewers watched as three time defending champion Joey Chestnut successfully defended his world title.
I know what you're thinking...
Dating is nothing new for my daughter. Years ago Rachael began leaving our house once a month for dinner and a movie with the guy she loved: Her dad. It wasn't for lack of alternatives. Boys proposed...
A little kid found himself lost and wide-eyed in the lingerie department of a store.
Blinking a little, he asked a clerk where he could buy a slip for his mom. “What's her size?” the...
For six years, an Indiana couple made it their habit to look on the ground everywhere they went. They whacked their heads on a few tree branches, but the habit paid off. “We now have $400 in a...
Phil: When my wife and I were first married we began reading Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life and you showed us that faith is not stuffy; it is exciting, it is relevant, it's filled with joy....
The following quiz is intended solely for the amusement of mature married couples. Keep in mind that quiz results should not be brought up during petty arguments or in front of the children. Please...
One week after my 49th birthday, in a move, which still has me shaking my stitched-up head, a friend and I climbed aboard an all-terrain vehicle (ATV), and proceeded to flip it. And I do not mean we...
It's hard to believe another year has come and gone. Time waits for no man, and very few women, my father used to say. Like the new year, the wise men came after Christmas. They're not really part...
One of my earliest purposes in life was to help my older brothers test things. If the consequences of thrusting bare wires into a light socket were unclear, I would find out. If a football was lodged...
We laid you to rest on a Wednesday under the wide Alberta sky. I was hoping for a stray rain cloud to disguise my tears, but I wasn't alone in that department.
Saying goodbye to one you've admired...
Recent studies conclude that almost one in three middle-aged Canadian women are supporting unmarried children and elderly parents at the same time. Caregivers are often exhausted, broke, and in need...
When I was a boy, we always seemed to have a spare dog around the house. Our first was Inky, a small black terrier who liked to surprise people. Folks strolling past our house at night, gazing...
Sure, Ramona and I are experiencing the customary jolts of nostalgia as we remember the house as it once was: Noisy. Messy. Cloudy with a chance of incoming mud. But I can scarcely contain my...
I am a chronic complainer. I grumble. I gripe. I have grievances. Sometimes my whining gets on my wife's nerves. She says, “You should quit whining, Phil.” But I tell her, “I don't...
Dear Son, I'm writing to formally congratulate you.
When you were only four you introduced us to Allie, a neighbour girl. “I marry her,” you promised, without employing any r's. You had...
My son Stephen has enrolled in Prairie Bible College, a decision that has his mother and I rejoicing and sniffling and clutching our wallets all at once. The price for Bible college has not decreased...
It's a wonder our willow tree has any life left at all. This spring the deer discovered it. Strolling through our yard from a nearby field, they thought it was a bark buffet. They chewed and ripped...
A few years ago, when my aging parents lived in our granny suite, they bought a brand new stereo because they could no longer hear the old one. The old one was an attractive little unit, complete...
It began as the perfect summer Saturday. Joining sticky hands around the breakfast table, we thanked God for the sunrise. And the cheesy omelettes created from scratch. Two-year-old Rachael flashed...
One of the finest perks of being an author is the chance to meet children who look up at you with wide eyes and ask you to sign the book Green Eggs and Ham. And when they ask you to sign one of your...
According to the Bible, Jacob Marley was:
The third wise man in the book of Hezekiah: Go to 5.
The Innkeeper: Go to 5.
Nowhere to be found: Go to 3.
From where did the Grinch steal Christmas...
I was only four when Mrs. Muddle adopted me for a week. With my mother in the hospital and my father needing help, she must have seen me pulling my wagon complete with a cargo of grasshoppers along...
When I was a kid, my mother prayed for me every night. Sometimes I overheard her. She said, “Thank God he’s in bed!”
Most of us believe in prayer and most of us agree that God answers prayer. In fact...
Miss Ida Weismuller began her teaching career in our fifth grade classroom, a classroom with west windows and wooden chairs populated by 10-year-old boys who collectively had the IQ of a birchbark...
Some find it not entirely coincidental that my mother went up to Glory at the exact time a power plant in our town went up in flames.
Given my reputation for mischief, several have asked exactly...
I have on my desk an actual letter from Mrs. Anne Farley of Portland, Oregon. It says, “Dear Mr. Callaway, I enjoyed meeting you at camp this summer and I enjoyed listening to you speak, but I could...
When the financial and housing markets hit the skids recently, I sarcastically said to a friend, "This sure came as a huge surprise, huh? I mean it's not like we've been overspending or going into...
You’ve probably heard of the Seven Wonders of the World. I would like to add a few more. I marvel that my wife can find anything in her purse, how long a teenager can eat, and how fast I am...
I have been a husband for many years now, so needless to say I know virtually everything there is to know about my wife’s needs. For instance, I know that she can get by without food for forty days...
When things get dull around our house, I like to remind my children that I am arranging their marriages.
They usually stop whatever they are doing because they have strong feelings about this. So do...
It wasn't so long ago that Christmas sneaked up on us, warming our hearts, lifting our spirits and snitching our wallets. This past December I asked my wife, "What do we get for the person who has...
I love reading road signs. Like the one welcoming you to Kettle Falls, Washington, the home of “1255 friendly people and one grouch.” In Hilt, California, a sign advises: “Brakeless trucks, use...
Christmas morning came early when three small children roamed our house. They are teenagers now, so we’re happy if they wake up before lunch. When they were little they pounced on me at 4 a.m.,...
A recent cover of Time asked, “What Scares You Most?” How would you respond?
Hundreds of phobias were listed including Arachibutyrophobia, which is fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your...
Recently I began receiving phone calls from writers at Hollywood tabloids, asking me to comment on various goings-on in the unnatural lives of celebrities like Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, and Angelina...
I love the game of baseball. The roar of the crowd. The crack of the bat. The taste of the hot dogs. OK, I’m lying about the hot dogs, but I do love baseball. I enjoy watching grown men play their...
I have officially reached middle age. How do I know? My children and my clothes are the same age. The thing about The Middle Ages is that if you have any brains left at all, you start to realize you’...
We have a dog by the name of Mojo, which is a Bible name, of course. Named after Moses and Jonah (Moses who stuttered, and Jonah who ran away from home a lot), this Maltese–Shih Tzu lap dog does not...
Each summer, when our kids were young, my wife and I packed up the minivan, strapped the children into their seats (no, I did not advocate spanking), and sped off to speak at a family camp somewhere...
When I was a boy of 8 or 9, my parents saw fit to give me a room of my very own far removed from the rest of the family, in a rather dark area at the south end of our house. I’m sure they thought...
Jeff is our youngest child, a big, tough, stylish kid, handsome and strong—the teenager all the little kids love and the kind girls phone to discuss math problems with (or at least that’s what they...
I was a skinny kid. How skinny, you ask? So skinny I had only one vertical stripe on my pajamas. I was the only kid on our block who could stand under power lines during rain storms and stay dry. And...
I’ve been hanging out in nursing homes a little earlier than I planned, now that Mom finds herself a permanent resident in this one-story unit a mile from our house.
